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So you want to learn how to find out if your mother is a narcissist. It can’t be, you think – she’s my mother and she loves me. I get it. I understand. It’s difficult to comprehend the magnitude of what you might be facing. Mothers are supposed to love you in a healthy way. A way that nurtures you – not their ego.
How to Find Out If Your Mother Is A Narcissist
You might be thinking that every relationship has its ups and downs and that your relationship with your mother is as cool as cool can be. After all, as we grow into functioning adults it’s almost impossible to agree on everything with your parents, right?
And when you do come to terms with the fact that you have a narcissist in your life, you ask, how then do you go about confronting a narcissistic mother?
Let’s ticks the boxes, shall we? How to know if your mother is a narcissist! Think of it as a checklist for daughters of narcissistic mothers!
20 Signs You Have a Narcissistic Mother
1- She dismisses your feelings
A narcissistic mother will dismiss your feelings, insisting that you are overreacting. She will gaslight your memories so much so that you will question yourself as to whether those memories were even real.
2- She never says she is proud of you
In fact, she uses your achievements only to put the spotlight on herself and feed her ego. She will brag to her friends and acquaintances about what you have achieved and put a spin on it making it seem that you only ever achieve it because of her.
3- She never compliments you
And if she ever does, it will be in front of others – again, for her benefit. Having a child that excels and achieves makes her seem like it was she who had done the hard yards.
4- She acts like the whole world revolves around her
Have you ever tried to voice out your emotions or concerns? Only to have it flipped over so that it relates to how it affects her?
5- She uses emotional blackmail
By using fear, obligation, and even guilt, she will manipulate you into doing what she wants you to do.
6- She makes you feel like you don’t have the right to live your own life.
And should you push to make a decision to move forward with your own life, she guilts and shames you, accusing you of being selfish.
7- You feel as if your relationship is a parasitic one.
You are her source of supply, whether it be emotional or material.
8- She cannot show you any gesture of affection
Showing any emotional expression is difficult for a narcissistic mother. And if she ever does show you some, it is awkward, clumsy, and for the pure benefit of keeping you close.
9- You feel like you can never please her
Narcissistic mothers are highly critical. They put you down and criticize your decisions, life choices, and even the way you look. And again, if you raise this with your narcissistic mother, she gaslights and ridicules your feelings, dismissing any legitimacy to how you feel.
10- You get a feeling that she is jealous of you
It’s hard to identify this, but you know it and you feel it. Narcissistic mothers compete with their children.
11- She plays the role of a victim
She repeatedly tells the same stories in a bid to justify why she is a victim. And yet, claims to be strong enough to push ahead. A sacrificing martyr.
12- She behaves inappropriately and in a childish manner
No matter how inappropriate or childish she acts, she is completely oblivious and unaware of how it makes others feel.
13- She has a golden child/children
These golden children can do no wrong in her eyes. She strategically builds a bond with them so strong that they cannot function without her.
14- She cannot sustain long term relationships
When first meeting her, everyone is smitten by her charming personality. But these friendships and relationships are short-lived as friction quickly develops. Oblivious to her own faults, she sees breakdowns in her relationships being the fault of the other person.
15- She discusses overly intimate and personal details about her personal relationships with you
This is to make you feel as if you have a special relationship, and is yet another way to keep you tied to her apron strings.
16- She has no boundaries
And certainly does not respect yours.
17- She sees herself as the Queen Bee
The Narcissistic Mother views herself as the Queen Bee of the hive. As far as she is concerned, she cannot and should not be crossed.
18- She has an uncensored mind
When it comes to their way of thinking, there are no censors. The Narcissistic Mother will tell all and ask all.
19- She asks you to confide in her – only for her to use it against you later
And when she asks all, she expects you to spill it. My own mother asked if my husband’s junk was large. When I refused to answer, she said that he most likely had a small one because if it wasn’t, then I would proudly tell her. Things you tell her in confidence are likely to be used against you in the future.
20- She despises anyone who may be taking you away from her
As far as she is concerned, anyone that remotely takes your attention away from her is seen as the enemy. When my first marriage was failing, I tried to maneuver it in the right direction – or at least, maneuver myself. I tried to be a better wife, more open and understanding. My mother accused me of fixing my marriage at her expense. And when I remarried, she accused my husband of being a pedophile.
Is Your Mother a Narcissist?
Trying to figure out if your relationship is toxic is never easy because we tend to err on the side of caution and understanding. But you’re here because you want to know. You’re here because you feel there’s something not right – and you know what? You’re probably right.
The sooner you recognize the traits of a narcissistic parent, the sooner you can move on towards healing and self-love ♥
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