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Unbalance Your Life
As we get older and life takes over, it’s easy to find ourselves overwhelmed by our responsibilities; and so we naturally try and get a handle on juggling and balancing it all out. Fair enough, right? But see – here’s the thing. It shouldn’t be about balancing it all on your life’s plate… that’s exactly what leads us to burnout and unhappiness. What you should do instead is to seek to Unbalance Your Life.
Wait. Let me talk about that some more and explain.
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A Balanced Lifestyle
Now, how does the phrase go? Work-Life Balance! You’ve heard it before right? We are prompted to aim for a balanced lifestyle as if it’s a diet.
I mean – sure, you could look at it that way if you’d like to… as a diet. To live a happy and healthy lifestyle, we need to feed ourselves with enough servings of family and friends, learning and growth, yada, yada, yada. But that’s not what I mean here.
We are told that a balanced lifestyle looks something like this: Equal attention to the different facets of your life, ya?
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An Unbalanced Lifestyle
Here’s what you need to consider though: You are the most important person in your life. No one else. Not even your children, your spouse or partner, or extended family. It’s YOU.
Picture a balance scale in your mind. This is what your life should look like: with yourself weighing more than anything else in your life.
Without the best version of you, nothing else matters. The less attention you pay to your own self, the less you have to offer others in your life. And no – that’s not being selfish.
Let Me Tell You A Short Story
For years, I aimed for a balanced lifestyle – giving everyone and everything an equal part of myself. I was so scared thinking that if I took the opportunity to do what I wanted to do – what I and no one else wanted; that I would fail at it, affecting my kids and those who I looked after.
I was scared of letting down the many people who relied on me… including, my widowed mother and my brother.
You see, I was the main financial provider. I was scared that in doing what I wanted to do; that I was being selfish. These people relied on me after all, I thought. I kept telling myself that I was their only hope, and that I couldn’t let them down.
So can you guess what I did?
Yup – you got it. I did everything by the book – balancing my life and myself out among everyone who needed me. I gave them all an equal piece of me; including my career. I worked in a job I hated, and I went to bed every night, crying and hating my life.
I did this for years and years, until one day I felt myself running on empty with nothing left to give. And then this happened.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized that the more I looked after myself – paid attention to myself and made ME feel special and worthy – that I began to feel more energized.
Life Drains Life Out Of You
Let’s face it – life can be draining. Sometimes, it truly and figuratively sucks everything out of you.
YOU are responsible for your own happiness – no one else. So stop making everyone else your priority, and start thinking of number one – YOU.
That’s what I did… I began to focus on ME. And guess what? The world didn’t end. Everything fell into place quite nicely. My mother and brother? They turned out absolutely fine.
For the first time in my entire life, I did what I wanted for me – and you should too.
You – all of us – need to remember that we are responsible for our own happiness and well-being. And guess what? It’s the same for everyone else. Even all the other people who rely on you. THEY are responsible for THEIR OWN HAPPINESS and well-being.
- Your Kids – Are your kids bored? That’s not for you to fix! Does your child hate you? You can’t control how they feel.
- Your Parents – Is your mother or father feeling lonely? Do they rely on your for company? They need to get out in the community and get involved.
- Your Siblings – Does your sibling rely on you for financial support? They need to step up and get a job.
- Your Friends – Do your friends need help with babysitting? It’s okay to say no, especially when you yourself have your hands full with your own children.
- Your Career – Does your workplace expect you to bring work home? They probably don’t! It’s likely that YOU are putting undue pressure on yourself.
It’s Okay To Say No
In fact, you need to say NO for your own happiness and well-being.
Often, we do things for people because we are afraid to say no — afraid to hurt their feelings; afraid of how they would cope if we didn’t give them a hand. We end up giving too much of our energy to others, that we have none left for ourselves. What then?
I have news for you. If you end up draining yourself – you will eventually end up trying to run on empty. And you can’t run on empty, you know? But that, my friend, will be the consequence of the choices you are making.
I’m telling you this because I know it all too intimately. I said yes to please everyone. Saying no made me feel guilty.
But I have learned this: When we make a choice… we accept the consequences that come with it; and there is no one else to blame for it.
Love or Fear
Everything we do in this life is driven by only two things – LOVE or FEAR.
So ask yourself next time – are you doing something out of love or out of fear.
- Your Kids – Are you trying to keep your children occupied and entertained because you love them, or because you fear they will blame when they are older for not doing enough? When your child is hating on you; are you affected because you love him or her; or are you scared of feeling like a failed mom?
- Your Parents – Are you spending time with your parents and doing an endless list of things for them because you love them and genuinely want to be with them; or because you fear what will happen to them if you don’t?
- Your Siblings – Are you giving your sibling some extra cash because you love him or her; or because you are scared that they won’t be able to survive without your help?
- Your Friends – Do you really want to help your friend with babysitting her four children because you love her; or is it because you fear that she won’t think she means enough to you if you say no?
- Your Career – Are you bringing home that extra workload because you love it and are truly passionate about it; or is it because you fear losing your job or that they will think you can’t handle the pressure.
Before you do anything – before you make a choice – understand what drives you and what your reason is in making that choice.
If it’s out of LOVE – then by all means, go ahead and do it.
But if it is out of FEAR – then honey, leave your fears at the door and say no.
Our Thoughts Rule Us
We are governed by our thoughts – the what-ifs, should-haves, would-haves. But you know what? They are just thoughts.
- What if? – Well you won’t know until you do it.
- Should have? – Well you didn’t, so don’t stress over it.
- Would have? – Did you? No? Then, move on.
When a thought comes into your mind – ask yourself: Does this thought serve me well? Or is it adding stress to my life?
If it serves you well, then please, go ahead – strategize and put it into action. But if it’s adding stress? Be like Elsa, and let it go!
Unbalance Your Life
Choose YOU. You should weigh more than anything else on your life’s list of priorities. Nothing else should weigh the same.
- It’s You FIRST – and then everything else follows. YOU are your number one PRIORITY.
- Life can suck; but don’t let it suck the life out of you.
- By making our choices, we accept the consequences that come with it. So choose wisely.
- Do out of LOVE, and not out of FEAR. Say no, if you have to or want to.
- Let go of the thoughts that don’t serve you. They are just thoughts.
So there you have it. Learn to love yourself, babe; and unbalance your life.
Go Further: Find Your Passion
Life is short, so we owe it to ourselves to live passionately. Click here to get your free Find Your Passion workbook; or click on the image below!
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